Friday, January 21, 2011

Chelsea's Thoughts on Episode 3: The Abridged Version

My apologies on the late post...  I could pretend to have a perfectly valid excuse.  But, well, I don't.  So, there.

I'll be honest, I was rather bored with this episode.  Or maybe it's just Brad that I'm bored with.  Seriously.  I think I'd have a better time with a tree, than with this dude.  His chiseled body aside, I really just don't see what all the women are so hot and bothered over.  He's got the personality of a freakin' piece of plastic.

I'm going to switch it up a little this week, mostly because I don't really feel like writing a long ass recap of something you guys watched 4 days ago.  So I think I'm basically just going to run down my not-as-long-as-last-week's list of Bachelor notes.  Because that's exciting.

Let's start off my list of ridiculous/amusing/irritating quotes from this episode:

"In the end, it will be just me and Brad in Tahiti, practicing making babies."  -Michelle
From what I understand - Michelle doesn't need much practice.  

"If it's karaoke, I'm gonna daaaaaaaaah."  -Ashley S.
My husband and I argued for about 5 minutes on how to spell 'daaaaaaaaaah.'
He won.

"Just the fact that Brad picked the one song that's so close to my heart, just made me so happy." -Ashley S.
Yeah, because I'm sure it was Brad who picked the song.  Or not.

"Pit stains are not hot.  Look, I could easily have pit stains in this thing.  That would not be cute.  No."  -Alli
Why, Allie?

"Brad's like, really good at this."  -One of the girls, referencing Brad's "fighting" skills.
I'm sorry.  But as soon as Brad came on screen nunchucking ninjas a la Jackie Chan, I couldn't stop laughing.

"Lisa's noises were just like birds chirping.  YA.  HOO."  -Michelle, referencing Lisa's "fighting" noises.
Michelle's "bird chirping" sounds more like Princess Peach to me.

"It's like every time I start to feel like, special with you, like, someone else has the same experience."  -Chantal
Husband: "And that's when she realized she was on The Bachelor.

"Oh no."  -Brad, when anyone starts crying.
Seriously.  This dude is not a fan of the waterworks.  Could he look any more uncomfortable?  Where's that therapist when you need him?  You know, that's opposed to Jake Pavelka - who is the world's biggest man boob.

"She's like this itsy, bitsy tiny Barbie doll - with the soul of Mother Theresa.  You want to hate her, but you can't.  Because you can't hate Mother Theresa!"  -Meghan
Probably my favorite quote of the night.

"I don't want you to pursue anyone else."  -Michelle
Um?

"I wasn't expecting it at all."  -Brad, on Madison's exit.
You weren't expecting it?  Really?  This guy is boring and oblivious.


Aaaaand then a few other thoughts on some of the other semi-interesting parts...

-I had to pause Brad and Ashley's version of "Kiss From a Rose" multiple times because I was so. flarking. embarrassed. for them.  OH. EM. GEE.  They would have been way better off singing "Mambo #5" or "Baby Got Back" - because those are songs that are okay to crucify. 

-When Brad shows up, shirtless, and tied to a pole - I was legitimately concerned that their action movie was about to turn into a terrible porno.  Since when does the damsel save the dude in distress.  Spare me.

-D'oh.  Someone else with daddy drama.  Chantal, who hadn't talked to her dad in however long - decided to finally talk to him, only to find out that he had died.  Only kind of depressing.  Sheesh, ABC.  Ease up on the sob stories.  My word.  After the Chantal/Brad couch scene my husband mumbled, "Well, that was nauseating."

-Michelle.  She's irritating right down to the very core.  However, I'm convinced that it's 90% editor/producer invoked.  Michelle is an actress.  She knows what will get her screen time.  The editors know how to turn her into the villain.  Heck, she even has her own evil theme music.  I'm not saying I like her, because I don't.  I can't imagine what they're portraying is too far off from the diva she probably is in real life.  But I do think people need to remember that this show is heavily edited and manipulated.

-I may or may not have a huge lesbian crush on Emily, but the outfit she wore on her date with Brad was... not my favorite.

-Shawn and I were just waiting for Brad to feel like a complete douche canoe after he realizes all the crap he gave her about only having one serious relationship.  What's this guy's deal with numbers and how many past relationships the girls have had?  Get over it.

-I still think Brad is the most dull human being alive.  Just in case you were wondering.

-He brought his therapist on the show?  Really?  


-I was absolutely thrilled that Madison left.  Not because I didn't like her, or because she's a vampire, or because her boobs were about to fall out of her cocktail dress.  But because I think it's about time that someone leaves because they aren't interested in The Bachelor.  Yes.  




There's probably more I could blab on about - but the next episode is in like, three days.  So eh, let's move on?


Who's excited for Michelle to get punched in the face?

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