Tuesday's Hangover: All About Michelle

Last night's overdose of The Bachelor left me with very mixed feelings. Though I had heard Emily's terrible life story about 6.567 million times before, I still found myself tearing up when she told it to the other girls. I also teared up when Fang's Girl, Madison, left. I think I made some quick assumptions about her and then realized she was probably the most unselfish girl that has ever been on the show. I am just hoping her and the leader of the under ground world, or whatever, can hook up again quickly. On the other side of the emotional spectrum (because there is one) Michelle and her cat claws managed to creep (literally, creep) their way into my soul and scratch out every single chance of me ever, EVER liking her. Congratulations.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here are the Top 10 Reasons Michelle Money (yes, that is her real last name) will not "win" over The Bachelor....





10) It was her 30th birthday last episode (not sure if you knew that or not). We all know that 30 years old on The Bachelor is like 5-7 years to old. If only you applied a couple years earlier you could have been chasing the heart of (none other than) Brad Womack.....and you still wouldn't have been good enough. Eh, nobody would have been actually.

Courtesy of Google Images

9) Her eyebrows are clearly too close together. A centimeter closer and she'd have a uni. Enough said.

Courtesy of Google Images

8) She's a stalker/eve's dropper/creeper. Last night was like a horror movie. Romeo and Juliet #14 were having an intimate conversation with sweet birds chirping the the chirping stops and the Jaws music starts playing.. dundun dunDUN DUNDUN...(turn around) MICHELLE!!

Courtesy of Google Images

7) Her and Brad have already had a "fight." Yes, a fight. Because Brad didn't see the fireworks (image: My hand falling stretch up, then falling with spirit fingers) Michelle promised us for when they kissed for the first time...so he went and kissed two other girls. Shoot.

Courtesy of Google Images

6) She is a broken r-r-r-r-record. It's my birthday-it's my birthbirthday-iiiit's my birthday-i got a rose bbirthday- it's my it's my it's my I got a rose. TURN IT OFF!!!!

Courtesy of Google Images

5) Her ears will most likely be the size of the Asia (no not just China) by the time this season is over. If you don't know what I am talking about, please review the last 2 episodes.

(Image: Very big ear, perhaps the size of Asia)

4) Her name spells D-R-A-M-A. I think Brad has already made it clear what he thinks about Drama Queens. Remember Raichel and Melissa? Me neither.

Courtesy of Google Images

3) Her last name is Money. Let me clarify. Her ex-husband's last name is Money. Say it all together now.. M a t e r i a l G i r l. She is also known for cheating on that husband and messing around with Carlos Boozer, who was married at the time. Nice. I REALLY want to marry her now.





2) She looks freakishly like Jillian Michaels. And that scares.me.to.death

Courtesy of Google Images

1) And finally, she's a mean, selfish, dramatic, arrogant, home wrecking, over done, lying, stalking unibrow of entertainment. And for that reason, I hope he keeps her around just a little bit longer.

(Insert mental image here)

What do you think about Michelle?